steven wright facebook status

Is asking those who believe in psychokinesis to raise his hand.
Has almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left him before they met.
Is wondering about the speed of dark?
Is wondering how do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

Is trying to support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
Is thinking that hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Is sure he has a photographic memory. He just doesn’t have film.
Is using his Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Is intending to live forever – so far, so good.
Is thinking to join the army – join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Is dancing – Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Is asking who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Just got scared half to death twice
used to have an open mind but his brains kept falling out.
couldn’t repair your brakes, so he made your horn louder.
Is getting x-rayed – The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
Is eating toast- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
Is itching – The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
Is researching a paper – To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
Is planning to be spontaneous tomorrow.

~ by ben4444 on December 14, 2007.