naughty facebook status

a quiet date

audition the finger puppets

bang the wang

bash the candle

be a virtuoso of the skin flute

beat off

beat the bishop

beat the dummy

beat the meat

beat the stick

beat up your date

beef-stroke-it-off

bending ya bonder

bleed the weed

blow your load

bludgeon the beefsteak

bop the baloney

box the jesuit and get cockroaches

boxin’ the bald champ

buff the banana

buff the torpedo

burp the baby

burp the worm

busting a nut

butter the corn

choke Kojak

choke the chicken

choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come

clamp the pipe

clean your rifle

climb Mount Baldy

closet Frisbee

come into your own

consulting Dr Hans Jerkov

cook the cream of cock

corral the tadpoles

couch hockey for one

crack one off

crank the shank

crimp the wire

crown the king

cuff the carrot

dancing solo

diddle

do a hand job

do battle with the Purple Helmeted Warrior of Love

do handiwork

do the janitor thing

drain the monster

engage in safe sex

fist fuck

fist your mister

five knuckle shuffle

flog the dog

flog the dong

flog the hog

flog the log

flog your mule

fondle the fig

Free Willy

friggit

gallup the antelope

genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion

get a date with Slick Mittens

get a grip on yourself

get the German soldier marching

get to know yourself

give it a tug

go a couple of rounds with ol’ josh

go on a date with Handrea and Palmela

grease the pipe

hack the hog

hack off

hand work-out

have a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake

have a date with Fisty Palmer

have a date with palm of your handerson (Pamela Anderson)

have a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters

have it off

have sex with someone you love

hitchhike to heaven

hitchhike under the big top

hold the sausage hostage

hug the hog

hump your hose

jack hammer

jack off

jazz yourself

jerk off

jerkin’ the Gherkin

jerking the joint

juggling the coullions

killing kittens (as in “everytime you wank, God kills a kitten”)

meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters

knuckle shuffle on the ol’ piss pump

lope the mule

make instant pudding

make the bald man puke

making love to the shower

mangle the midget

manipulate the mango

manual override

master bacon

meet Rosie Hancock

milk the cow

milk the lizard

mount a corporal and four

nerk your throbber

null the void

oil the glove

onan’s olympics

pack your palm

paddle the pickle

paint the ceiling

paint the pickle

peel the banana

peel some chilies

perform diagnostics on your ManTool

phallic farming

play a little five-on-one

play in a one-man show

play five against one

play pocket pinball

play pocket pool

play tug-of-war with the cyclops

play Uno

please your pisser

plunk your twanger

polish Percy in your palm

polish the family jewels

polish the rocket

polish the sword

pound off

pound the bald-headed moose

pound the pud

pound your flounder

pull off

pull rank

pull the carrot

pull the cord

pull the five-knuckle shuffle

pull the goalie

pull the pole

pull the pope

pull the tool

pull your pud

pull your prick

pull your taffy

pump the python

punchin’ the munchkin

ram the ham

ride the great white knuckler

roll your own

rope the pony

rope the pope

rub off

rub one out

run off a batch by hand

sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights

scour the tower of power

self abuse

self-induced penile regurgitation

shag

shake hands with the unemployed

shake hands with your John Thomas

shake hands with your wife’s best friend

shemp the hog

shift gears

shine the helmet

shine your pole

shoot putty at the moon

shoot skeet (pull…shoot)

shoot the moon

slakin’ the bacon

slam the ham

slam the spam

slammin’ the salmon

slap high fives with Yul Brynner

slap the carrot

slap the clown

slap the donkey

slap the pud

slap the salami

slappin’ pappy

sling the jelly

snap the monkey

snap the rubber

snap the snake

snap the whip

solo sex

spank the frank

spank the monkey

spank the salami

spilling the seed

squeeze the cheese

squeeze the juice

squeeze the squirrel

stickin’ it slick

stinky pinky

stir the yogurt

stoke it

strangle the Pope

stroke it

stroke off

stroke the one-eyed burping gecko

stroke the dog

stroke the satin-headed serpent

stroke your poker

stroking Willie the one-eyed wonder-worm

take matters into your own hands

take the monster for a one-armed ride

take part in population control

tease the weenie

tenderize the tube steak

test the testicles

test your batteries

the art of Unisex

the lonliest date

tickly my fancy

tickle the pickle

toss off

toss the turkey

twang the wire

thump the pump

tweak your twinkie

varnish the flagpole

wack the one-eyed worm

wack the weasel

wack the willie

walk the dog

walk the plank

wank

wax the carrot

wax the dolphin

wax your surfboard

whack off

whip off

whip the dummy

whip the wire

whip the willie

whip up some sour cream

whip your dripper

whizzin’ jism

wixen

wonk your conker

work off

wrestle the eel

wring out your rope

wrist aerobics

yank off

yank the crank

yank your plank

yank the yoyo

~ by ben4444 on December 15, 2007.