top facebook updates – 10 best ever facebook updates
I found these woody allen quotes – FOR THE BEST FACEBOOK STATUSES
This will crack your friends profile status updates with laughter (all woody allen abreviated quotes):
1. ben is at two with nature
2. ben can’t listen to that much Wagner. ben starts getting the urge to conquer Poland.
3. ben doesn’t want to achieve immortality through his work… ben wants to achieve it through not dying.
4. ben places his boss under a pedestal.
5. ben took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
6. ben is astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around tel aviv
7. ben is hoping God would give him some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in his name in a Swiss bank.
8. ben is pondering that life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.
9. ben is sure that money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
10. ben is quoting the bible: “The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep. “
[...] Blog « top facebook updates – 10 best ever facebook updates [...]
10 funniest facebook status updates « funny facebook status said this on December 17, 2007 at 7:47 pm |
These are Woody Allen qutoes.
[...] least 5 of your Facebook friends that take ultimate pride in their daily Status updates. There are whole websites dedicated to the funniest, smartest, most outrageous status’. Maybe you are one of them. I [...]
Fendi, Tiffany’s, Couture and…vocabulary?? « Digital Sharapnel said this on July 22, 2008 at 8:06 pm |
kuwl
Here’s 3 years worth of my status updates:
Trevor loves to read status updates like “I’m eating chips” and “I’m at work right now”. Good stuff. Keepin’ me posted… thanks…
Trevor don’t understand most jokes or the point of most stories, but sure does love his train set. TOOOT! TOOOT! Here comes the grain car! TOOOT! TOOOT!
Trevor is dedicating the rest of his life to his one true love. Panflute.
Trevor is borrowing lugnuts from the neighbours for the ultimate “Candy Dish Prank”.
Trevor thinks you’re not doing that dog any favors by feeding it fruit cake and chocolate. You know who you are.
Trevor is trying to staple tiny antlers to a kitten but isn’t having much luck. Maybe I’ll try screws…
Trevor is gonna be a asternot.
Trevor trying to find more ways to incorporate KFC gravy into his diet.
Trevor has a deep-seated fear of elves.
Trevor wants to climb back into a uterus and wait for the world to get unsick.
Trevor thinks the world governments should just put all their money together and make a paper maché boat for the working class to go fishing in.
Trevor needs to stop using “Hey, wanna smash pissers?” as a pickup line.
Trevor thinks it’s okay to molest mimes. Really, who are they gonna tell?
Trevor should have known better than to fire off a potato gun in -25C. Usually they bounce right off windows?!?!
Trevor is telling people that he’ll pray for their souls and then not actually doing it.
Trevor is kissing his biceps, wondering “does it get any better than this?”
Trevor can’t believe how friendly some men are in public washrooms.
Trevor is torn between living in the moment, planning ahead and finding a hat that makes him look like less of a pedophile.
Trevor loves ripping on redheads for being soul-less.
Trevor wishes he hadn’t bought that third kilo of cocaine. Ow, my ass…
Trevor is not liking the food in Mexican jails right now.
Trevor tried desperately to make Linux work for about an hour, realized you get what you pay for and installed a fresh copy of windows.
Trevor does a great “flying squirrel” impression.
Trevor thinks you’re all racist for wanting whitey out of the White house.
Trevor is debating the benefits of adult diapers. No need to hide my level 43 black mage in an empty weapons barracks and risk ambush while I go to the bathroom.
Trevor needs to ejaculate in something soon or a whole mess of fruit in the fridge is about to become inedible.
Trevor wishes he had taken the canteloupe out of the fridge a few hours ahead of time.
Trevor hates puppies.
Trevor is stuck in a baby gate.
Trevor is oddly attracted to the elderly.
Trevor wishes all the things in his life came with a side of KFC gravy.
Trevor is self-medicating with pseudo-food.
Trevor just finished cleaning all the tobacco, fallen hair, toenail clippings, dropped food, dust bunnies, and marijuana stems out of his wireless keyboard.
Trevor is tired of being a fat fuck.
Trevor wants to go dwarf tossing this weekend. Anybody know any dwarves?
Trevor just realized that he’s spent more on shampoo than on CD’s and DVD’s this decade.
Trevor is getting the urge to crosscheck innocent people for having red C’s on their shirts. Hmmm…. Time to deprioritize work and women again! HOCKEY’S BACK.
Trevor is rolling around in his own filth, wondering if anybody else knows how much fun it is!
Trevor stole $220,000 worth of unactivated gift cards today and gave them to the homeless.
Trevor gave peace a chance but it starting getting pouty so it got a beatin’.
Trevor tried to tape this townhouse today…. Terrible trying… The tenant’s trash throughout there tripped Trevor thrice. Tore two tendons too.
Trevor spews stupid stories so some sultry sweetheart seeking silliness says something seductive. Sweet!
Trevor thinks that the time taken to tell two thoughts through text triples the time taken to trade thirty thoughts through the telephone. Try that. Thanks.
Trevor tried to thrust two testicles towards three temptuous tacos today, though the third taco tasted terribly tart.
Trevor thinks that taking Tuesday to try tackling tedious tasks that take time to think through totally test Trevor’s tolerance, though there’s tomorrow too…
Trevor is making squishy noises.
Trevor walked through his 2nd plate glass window of the summer.
Trevor is having dinner. Yeah, I’m sure you totally care. I’ll keep you posted on what I had for dessert. *gasp* I might go out after a shower. Yeah.
Trevor is throwing hot dogs down hallways.
Trevor is going to try and sell you on a pyramid scheme.
Trevor is sick of having soup ass.
Trevor , Trevor, Trevor… Drank his own urine out of an orange Gatorade bottle. Not kidding. Gawd, the aftertaste… Not kidding…
Trevor is amazed how many things tampons can be used for.
Trevor wishes he had a longer tongue.
Trevor got his lips caught in his fan belt again.
Trevor locked his keys in his truck again but luckily was inside when it happened.
Trevor just realized why you shouldn’t cook with baby oil.
Trevor just realized he’s trilingual. French, English and YodaSpeak.
Trevor can’t believe he drove away from another gas station with the hose still in his gas tank.
Trevor thinks Edmonton should just cut its losses and build a wall around downtown and fill it with cement.
Trevor has declared war on the white man.
Trevor can’t say enough good things about putting CDs in microwave ovens.
Trevor is building a cat launcher.
Trevor just found out how he can get 72 virgins in the afterlife but a whole lot of you infidels are gonna die.
Trevor just tasted fish and bacon together and it was delicious.
Trevor is dying to hear a good leper joke for his birthday.
Trevor thinks birthdays are gay. Let’s just have more holidays with strippers in them.
Trevor is hugging a puppy, desperately wanting it to love him back but probably just restricting its ability to breathe.
Trevor is coming to you in high definition.
Trevor wonders why white people have elected not to breed anymore.
Trevor is amazed how many fruits and vegetables taste better coated in gravy.
Trevor dont no no better.
Trevor is becoming racist towards short people.
Trevor tentatively teeters towards telling the truth, though this thought truly thrusts Trevor towards termination.
Trevor tentatively teeters towards trying to tell that tart that there’s throrns throughout them there thickets, truly.
Trevor wants to live in a world where making money is the only priority. Oh, wait… I’m here. Wheeeeeeeeeee! This is fun.
Trevor made a puddle.
Trevor never knew so many bodily fluids are edible.
Trevor is on strike and is making a tower out of dirty dishes to protest.
Trevor could use a hug, but not from you. You’ve got germs.
Trevor has spent the last 30 minutes using tweezers, drywall screws and popsicle sticks to get at an ingrown hair in his nose.
Trevor wants the voices in his head to start getting along.
Trevor is trying to convince the voices in his head to speak Spanish.
Trevor is stuck on his 3rd hour of his first sudoku. The numbers don’t add up anywhere. This game is dumb!
Trevor just found out about the Goddess Ana and how she won’t let you eat.
Trevor loves the warmth of a puppy against his skin.
Trevor is spell checking the dictionary.
Trevor accidently put his chair leg down on a yappy dog’s paw and it was glorious.
Trevor just took a big swig of a used cigarette filled beer. mmmmm…
Trevor just walked out on Jack Black’s latest flop, “Be Kind Rewind”. I would rather give man birth to a rogue organ than sit through it again.
Trevor wants to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I’ll never see. I want to breathe smoke.
Trevor wants to put a bullet between the eyes of every panda that won’t screw to save its species.
Trevor misses you. Scope must be off…
Trevor enjoys a good round of cackling from time to time.
Trevor is burning the candle at both ends but luckily has a 6-ended candle.
Trevor feels like a sack of smashed assholes.
Trevor wants to wish y’all well. I’ll be in my bomb shelter until this full moon passes.
Trevor is a bawling mess of misunderstood emotions or something.
Trevor is feeling dreadfully svelte.
Trevor wonders who’s been eating his lucky charms?
Trevor would like to have a LONG talk about his feelings.
Trevor can’t wait to celebrate anti-Valentine’s day. 25 cent peepshows and drinking in public!
Trevor just wrote a virus that will shut down the net and doesn’t know what to do with it.
Trevor sincerely thanks all you people for your hard work on trying to deal with your neurosis but a little more work is needed.
Trevor sincerely thanks all you people for your hard work on trying to deal with your neurosis but a little more work is needed.
Trevor can’t figure out how to get all of his desktop icons to go on the other side of the screen. Help?!
Trevor is getting tired of waking up in somebody else’s vomit. Whomever it is, could you please stop?
Trevor just wants to pet puppies and be happy.
Trevor is slightly less deep that the world’s deepest mud puddle.
Trevor found out exactly how deep you shouldn’t stick Q-tips.
Trevor decided to give peace a chance but that took too long so he went out for slurpees instead.
Trevor did a horrible thing to a snow angel yesterday.
Trevor doesn’t know any better and would appreciate not being called retarded from now on.
Trevor is going to eat your brains and gain your knowledge.
Trevor is spending the day bawling in bed after finding his first white pube.
Trevor is wondering what pink urine is an indicator of.
Trevor has just learned to control a candle flame with his mind.
Trevor would be a very nice name, but not for you.
Trevor gave peace a chance but got bored and started throwing rocks at it.
Trevor is wondering if the dead horse has had enough.
Trevor is building a panda trap.
Trevor is trying to look at the back of his head by turning around real fast. Burp… I feel sick.
Trevor is faking side effects from a massive stroke just out of boredom.
Trevor is back on the patch and having the best dreams of his life! Attacked by a pack of wild boars, hunted by an invisible female ninja… sweet!
Trevor is Update your status… how the hell does this thing work?
Trevor says “How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer…merciless…insatiable…”
Trevor is updating his status. Well, now that I’m done that, what else should I do…
Trevor is playing peekabo with himself.
Trevor is amused about the fact that there hasn’t been such a gap between the richest 10% and the poorest 90% since 1929.
Trevor is researching the legalities of shooting blanks at fellow motorists.
Trevor is not nearly as interesting in person.
Trevor is riding the fine line between what’s acceptable and what will be used against him in a court of law.
Trevor is wondering if Demi Moore had hairy nuckles too.
Trevor is getting bored with facebook. It needs more chicks in bikinis or something. Maybe a virtual monkey that reads your emails in a Darth Vader voice?
Trevor is moving to a Hutterite colony.
Trevor is taking things apart that he shouldn’t and doesn’t know any better. Somebody should find a good pharmacist for him before he hurts himself.
Trevor is giving up on a conversion to Catholicism because he found out that the priests won’t molest a grown man.
Trevor is a little confused about his dream last night. He dreamt about eating the biggest chicken wing of his life and now the dog is missing.
Trevor is all like whoa.
Trevor is not sure where all these blisters came from, but damn if they aren’t fun to pop!
Trevor is giving sexy back and exchanging it for a nice comfortable pair of slacks.
Trevor is tired of having to explain the meaning of life to all you mortals.
Trevor is suffering from HIV symptoms and needs you to send cash for the treatments.
Trevor is amazed at the rainbow of colors that can mucus can come in.
Trevor is in love with a smurf.
Trevor is feeling like a bag of smashed assholes today.
Trevor is noticing that the world has a poopy diaper right now.
Trevor is spicy, like a freshly-squeezed can of spiciness, only much spicier.
Trevor is pretty sure the Caramilk secret is a big scam. Just make first layer, put in caramel drops and skim with chocolate. Sheesh.
Trevor is his own best friend, which might seem pathetic if you didn’t know him.
Trevor is amazed at the amount of vomit that came out of his girlfriend tonight.
Trevor is a white, English-speaking male, which used to be a good thing, before sitcoms wrecked it for us.
Trevor is contemplating his sexuality, as he looks better in his girlfriends jeans than she does.
Trevor is , or isn’t. But really, what is?
Trevor is surprisingly sensitive and is spending the day looking at the cutest pics of bunnies that he can find.
Trevor is all that is, to me,that is… no wait…
Trevor is just like all the Trevors you’ve met before, only shinier.
Trevor is Trevor and he’s quite sure of it.
Trevor is furious that his Tandoori sizzler Dortios do not actually contain Tandoori. Furious, I say, simply furious!
Trevor is proud to announce that he is suffering from avoidance disorder. Time to spend the rent cheque on shiny clothes and hope for the best.
Trevor is seriously trying to wear out the word “fingerbang” by using it every fingerbanging moment he can.
Trevor is wondering if the Hutterites are taking applications for network administrators.
Trevor is updating the expiry dates on stuff in the fridge.
Trevor is hoping that there is a cure for stupid, cuz he think you might need a dose.
Trevor is currently engaged in a battle of wits with the voices in his head.
Trevor buttered the wheels on the courtesy wheelchairs at West Edmonton Mall today, but was obviously the only one that found it funny.
[...] 6. top facebook updates – 10 best ever facebook updates [...]
you’re not funny.
these are all so good
is your real name Tucker Max???????????
genius
trevor’s are better than bens
lol the Trevor ones are so random/original… hilarious
wOw.
awesome
and yes…. he IS funny “mike who said that” ya cock…
you have an old fasioned LAME sense of humor and it isnt funny. Sorry to be mean but those status’s are so nerdy. I’m sure your nice though. Just my opinion. NERDYYYY
I’d like to see yours BEL cause if these any funny you should do the honors and show us what is!!!!
http://apps.facebook.com/statusworld/
BEST STATUS UPDATES ON FACEBOOK!!!
JOIN NOW!!!
^
wait.
you’re on a site looking up funny facebook status’ and you’re calling him lame and nerdy?
irony is fun
oo so mean. i like them lol.
That’s awesome! Now you must die!
Trevor you are funny! And anyone whom thinks otherwise can go take a spin in one of the courtesy wheelchairs Trevor so kindly buttered the wheels on @ West Edmonton Mall…
dude..do me a favour and get a life! Its really awesome updates! BEL = N E R D Y!
Trevor – some quality updates there dude. How did you get a list of all your updates for the last three years?
fucking hilarious
Jay is rolling his eyes and shaking his head to try to look busy at work.
Jay hates the way people stare at the tattoo on his eye.
Jay can’t whistle. But he can spit on you and make you feel sorry for him.
Jay is pretending to be sleeping until the people who own this house leave.
Jay is building a space shuttle catcher.
Jay found a pair of his old parachute pants and then kicked his own ass.
Jay can’t get out of this slump of not being rich.
Jay is throwing a ‘mustache twisting’ party for all of his friends in office.
Jay doesn’t like to brag about how great he is, how much he can do or how he makes the world go round.
Jay thinks more of you than he does that guy next to you.
Jay is wondering how much faster he’d have to run to break through THREE sliding glass doors.
Jay is looking to pick a fight with some one much, much, smaller than he is.
Jay wishes his cubical had a lid.
Jay is willing to work out but thinks waxing and tanning might be enough.
Jay is lying to your face and would never do something like that behind your back.
Jay is lighting the nuke and running as fast as he can.
Jay found out why you cleared your browser history.
Jay’s swears that his GPS just called him a butt-munch. How old is this thing?
Jay went on myspace and has a new friend that’s coming over after my parent’s leave.
Jay wrote a poem that’s so deep that it doesn’t rhyme and he’s not sure even he gets it.
Jay doesn’t mind being called a retard if that’s the way yew wewy feew.
Jay can blow a spit bubble within a spit bubble.
Jay wouldn’t stop you from drinking battery acid but thinks you’ll think twice next time.
Jay doesn’t stick around to hear the end of, ‘I don’t want to be a burden, but…’
Jay’s bank said his check bounced cause their out of money.
Jay wants you to stop beating yourself up about the hit-and-run thing, paint the car and move on.
Jay likes calling your parents, ‘mom and dad’. Sorry if they don’t but tough crap.
Jay’s wondering if all his chair rustling and coughing after his fart fooled anybody.
Jay is cheating on a facebook quiz to make sure he’s most like licorice ice cream. That’s important to him.
Jay wonders if they still make, “the car phone.” More than anything, he just wants one of those squiggly antennas on his Geo Storm.
Jay saw somebody drowning in quicksand and ran for help.
This is the funniest one I’ve seen:
(:pɐǝɥ ʎɯ oʇ ƃuıuunɹ sı poolq ʎɯ ɟo llɐ
i agree bell, in a nice way tho
WOW I LIKE SO GOT POPULAR ON FACEBOOK !
ADD ME ON FACE BOOK
name: Ronny Boudiab,
send me a photo of you and i’ll makeover it. like makeup and botox injections. eyecolor changing,
SEND IT TO makeupmanai@rocketmail.com
These rock man, you’re awesome… The best thing is they’re not all dirty… HE IS NOT NERDY YOU GAY FREAK!! If this isn’t funny what the hell is funny??
Oi BEL. Ill put it straight and simple for you. Go die.