cool facebook status

these are all groucho marx quotes:

name saw a black cat crossing the road. this means that the animal is going somewhere.

name believes that a man’s only as old as the woman he feels.

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before name speaks, name has something important to say.

name didn’t like the play, but then he did see it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.

name doesn’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like him as members.

name finds television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, he goes into the other room and read a book.

name has a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

name has had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

name intends to live forever, or die trying.

name must confess, he was born at a very early age.

name never forgets a face, but in your case he’ll be glad to make an exception.

name remembers the first time he had sex – he kept the receipt.

name was married by a judge. he should have asked for a jury.

name worked his way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

name is not feeling very well - he need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

name has the brain of a four year old. i’ll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

name is hugging you so close – any closer he would be on the other side of you.

name is telling a story. If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop him, because he’d like to hear it again.

name doesn’t want to get marries. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

name promises if you marry him he will never look at another horse.

name is contemplating: No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.

name shot an elephant in his pajamas. How he got into his pajamas he’ll never know.

name loves dogs: Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

name got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.

name has told you his principles, and if you don’t like them… well, he has others.

name is sure that a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find him a four-year-old child. he can’t make jack shit out of it.