ben laughs at people who put vague facebook statuses that are written to get comments. something like: “Yeah, alright!” – it’s like they are writing “please ask me why I am happy”

Ben Pines took the “Are you spending too much time in Facebook” quiz and the result is “No – You should spend much more time”. Ben shot the computer.

Ben gave the “Which type of woman are you?” quiz and the result is: Ma’ Kind Baby!

Ben is very confused about yesterday. I do love shrimp! getting frustrated with waiting for the answer. (this is a example of an obscure secret facebook status, which is written for a girl that doesn’t answer your calls, and causes all people other than her to go – “huh??” after reading it)

I found this crazy link of FaceBook Statuses For The Brave
I warn you -  some of those statuses are hilarious but dangerous to use freely!

Ben went from being “single” to “super single sad and lonely”.

Ben wonders what will happen when polish mothers start reading facebook statuses : “What do you mean you feel lonely? Your father and I are very worried…”

Ben is benning the benny ben with the help of his close ben.

Ben is attending “Ben is lonely and needs a friend. This is not a joke event I’m actually crying right now!” Confirmed Guests (0), Maybe Attending (0), Awaiting Reply (8), Not Attending (659)

Carmen Electra just became a fan of Ben Pines.

Ben Commented on Shani Ofek’s pussy : “nice”

Ben is having a party in his pants.
Ben has found love in facebook. She is from bangladesh and “wan day will reash amehica”.
Ben has just made love with a sheep and hope it doesn’t reach facebook.

Ben owns youtube, facebook, gmail, messenger and microsoft office. Now will you go out with me?

Ben urges you to twitter right!

Really funny one (said in a french accent): Ben wants to know if you recognize that youtube low for men. (sounds like “you too blow for men”).

Ben’s mom asked to clean his email account. he answered: “Gee, ma, I’ll do it later!” it sounded like “G-ma-il do it later!”

Ben has a messege to messenger – stop appearing automatically when I start my computer!

Ben logged in and saw you logged in. Then I logged off and logged in 2 hours again – you were still logged in. Get A Life! … OK yeah I was logged in all this time too. (feel shame)

Ben has just commented on you stats 3 minutes ago

If anyone uses these statuses please comment and give me your facebook name so I can find you and see the reactions of your friends!

Facebook Statuses I came up with:
1. Ben is a tiger. grrrr (walls shaking over awsome tigernesness.)

2. Ben is beeeeeing in the momenttttttt. the repetition of the letters is a representation of that

3. Ben is the dark knight

 
I found this crazy link of FaceBook Statuses For The Brave
I warn you -  some of those statuses are hilarious but dangerous to use freely!
 
 
 
Ben is attending the “2nd Tel Aviv nudist model party”. Weren’t you invited?

Ben is fucking his GF and thinking of your mother. Wait. he don’t got no GF, it is your mom

Ben is being himself. He can really do better
Ben has woken up in a garbage can covered with his own vomit. why am I telling you this?

Ben commented on everyone’s facebook photos – it’s booring

Ben is masturbating to your sister’s profile photo

Ben has just compared you with everyone else. you’re lame.

Ben is copying your profile picture so he can put it in his wallet and show it pretending your his GF.

For More Facebook Statuses

Ben wrote on your wall. Now you need to repaint your wall.

Ben thinks your fuckable. send ben a fuck?

Ben joined the group “kill all small furry and cute animals”. remove ben as friend?

Ben monitors your every status change vehemently.

Ben sent you a gift that didn’t cost him a penny. Doesn’t that destroy the main idea of a gift?

Ben changed his profile picture. Now he looks a little less ugly.

FOR MORE FACEBOOK STATUSES CLICK HERE

Ben was tagged in a picture.  Ben added a comment “that’s not me”. Cindey added a comment “then who is it next to the girl in the bikini?” Ben changed his relationship status to single.

Ben wrote on your funwall “your no fun”.

Ben added the “are you interested in a stalker” application

Ben joined facebook. Ben sent 34,123 flirts. Ben left facebook.

Ben commented on his photo “you are amazing”

Ben is staring at his facebook waiting for messages to arrive.

by dimitry martin:

name is:

wondering what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word ‘dude.’ ‘Dude, these are isotopes.’ ‘Dude, we removed your kidney. You’re gonna be fine.’ ‘Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.’

thinks that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you’re really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you’re saying: ‘Hope I don’t get chased today.’ ‘Be nice to people in sneakers.’

FOR MORE FACEBOOK STATUSES CLICK HERE

saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and he thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then he saw another guy wearing a leather vest and he thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then he figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.

likes fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you’d be like ‘Huh? What the hell is this?’, but if it’s in a fruit basket you’re like ‘This is nice!

feels stupid when he writes the word banana. Its like, how many na’s are on this thing? ‘Cause I’m like ‘Bana … keep going. Bananana … damn.

wants to make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

wonders what the word for dots looks like in braille

was at his friend’s birthday and he was mad at him, so he sent him a card. It said happy birthday, but he put quotes around the word “Happy”… sarcastic birthday, douchebag.

loving and hating facebook -On the downside, it’s loaded with sexual predators. On the plus side, it’s also loaded with sexual prey.

went into a clothes store and a lady came up to him and said “if you need anything, I’m Jill”. he’s never met anyone with a conditional identity before.

’s  favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. ‘Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you’re stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem – just move on to the next. ‘Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.

was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when he realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

used to play sports. Then he realized you can buy trophies. Now he’s good at everything.

FOR THE BEST FACEBOOK STATUSES

These are all woody allen quotes slightly changed – Guaranteed to be the funniest facebook status updates you can possibly find.

read more | digg story

I found these woody allen quotes – FOR THE BEST FACEBOOK STATUSES

This will crack your friends profile status updates with laughter (all woody allen abreviated quotes):

1. ben is at two with nature

2. ben can’t listen to that much Wagner. ben starts getting the urge to conquer Poland.

3. ben doesn’t want to achieve immortality through his work… ben wants to achieve it through not dying.

4. ben places his boss under a pedestal.

5. ben took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

6. ben is astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around tel aviv

7. ben is hoping God would give him some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in his name in a Swiss bank.

8. ben is pondering that life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.

9. ben is sure that money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

10. ben is quoting the bible: “The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep. “

Is asking those who believe in psychokinesis to raise his hand.
Has almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left him before they met.
Is wondering about the speed of dark?
Is wondering how do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

Is trying to support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
Is thinking that hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Is sure he has a photographic memory. He just doesn’t have film.
Is using his Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Is intending to live forever – so far, so good.
Is thinking to join the army – join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Is dancing – Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Is asking who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Just got scared half to death twice
used to have an open mind but his brains kept falling out.
couldn’t repair your brakes, so he made your horn louder.
Is getting x-rayed – The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
Is eating toast- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
Is itching – The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
Is researching a paper – To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
Is planning to be spontaneous tomorrow.

1. A floating crap game
2. AM BM
3. Backing the bus out of the garage
4. Bajsa
5. Baking brownies
6. Bio Break
7. Blasting a dookie
8. Building a log cabin
9. Building a poo cabin
10. Burying some cable

1. Bust out a Nug Nug
2. Butt cobras
3. Butt gherkin
4. Charm an upside down brown snake
5. Check my messages
6. Check the pipes
7. Cleaning out the vertical file
8. Cleanse the colon
9. Clear out some inventory
10. Code 3
11. Code Brown
12. Colon bowlin’
13. Contemplate my existence
14. Contributing to nature
15. Crackin’ off a couple of bricks
16. Crowning
17. Curl one down
18. Cut a cable
19. Dispensing some Soft-Serve
20. Download
21. Drop a deuce
22. Drop the kids off at the pool
23. Drop wolf bait
24. Droppin a load
25. Dropping a bomb
26. Dropping science
27. Exorcise the demons
28. Faça exame de uma merda
29. Feed the water gods
30. Fertilize the ferns
31. Get rid of some lunch
32. Give birth to a brown baby Marine
33. Giving Birth
34. Go number two
35. Go phone Elvis
36. Go to the thinking room
37. Go upstairs and check __
38. Going for a dump
39. Got the Hershey squirts
40. Gotta take a squirter
41. Grow a tail
42. Have a crap
43. Have some alone time
44. Heave a Havana
45. I gotta heave ho
46. I’m going to go sit down
47. Jumpers in the door
48. Lägga en korv
49. Lay down some spicy brown
50. Lay some pipe
51. Leaving a floater
52. Let the corn out
53. Lose a few pounds
54. Lucy placing a charlie brown kick
55. Make a Cleveland steamer
56. Make a donation to the porcelin god
57. Make some butt coffee
58. Make some room
59. Molesting my asshole
60. My band’s about to have an ep release
61. My poop is playing peek-a-boo
62. Nehmen Sie eine Scheiße
63. Numero dos
64. Open up a can of soup
65. Open wide for chunky
66. Park my breakfast
67. Pay homage to burger king
68. Pay the band
69. Pinch one off
70. Pinchin’ a stink pickle
71. Pinching a loaf
72. Piss out my ass
73. Prairie doggin’
74. Prenda una merda
75. Prenez une merde
76. Press a coil
77. Push some putty
78. Put my knuckles to the ground
79. Put my thoughts down on paper
80. Putting in my two weeks notice
81. Read a book
82. Red light flashing
83. Release the beasts
84. Releasing the chocolate hostages
85. Rob the bakery
86. Roll some logs
87. Rolling a cigar
88. Say goodbye to Mr. Brown
89. Secret activity #1
90. See a man about a horse
91. Send a fax
92. Serving up a poo poo platter
93. Shee-Shee
94. Shoo-Shoo
95. Shoot some craps
96. Skita
97. Slide one out
98. Squash out a fun log
99. Squash out a yule log
100. Squeeze out a Lincoln
101. Squeezing out a flesh slurpee
102. Stretch the anus
103. Ta en rövare
104. Take a seat on the throne
105. Take the Browns to the Superbowl
106. Take the kids for a swim
107. Taking a signal 92
108. Taking Bill Cosby’s kids to the lake
109. The brown is down
110. The three S’s
111. Throw a wild deuce in the pot
112. Throwing a curve ball
113. Tome una mierda
114. Turtle head pokin out
115. Turtlin’ it
116. Visit fortress of solitude
117. Visit the library
118. Visit the throne
119. Visiting fonzie’s office
120. Visiting the Brown Mound of Rebound
121. Visiting the crapper
122. Waking Winnie the Pooh
123. Watch the Jamaican bobsled team